If you have argued with a narcissist before, you will know it is one of the most stressful and emotionally draining things you can do. That’s why today I want to look at two reasons why you should never argue with a narcissist.
When you argue with a narcissist, it can go one of two ways. The first is where they ignore you by just giving you the silent treatment. When a narcissist does this, they have lost all need for you. They probably have another primary source of supply. They will even go as far as not only leaving the room but the house, just to get away from you. If it’s your partner who is doing this, it is a sign that they may be having an affair, and it is best to exit the relationship at your earliest convenience.
The second way is where they actually want to speak, but this does not make it any better. The narcissist sees an argument as a debate that they must win. Whatever valid argument you have, they will try to invalidate it. If you have raised an issue that you have with them, they see it as an attack. They take great pleasure in dismantling the issue and you. This is how a narcissist works: you present a valid issue or argument, and they then interrogate you about this issue that you’ve raised.
Your answers are what they will use to turn this on you, and before you realize it, you are the one trying to defend yourself against any issue that they have now raised about you. The tables have been turned, and if you’re not familiar with their tactics, it will end with you feeling bad about yourself and having to apologize to them. The mental gymnastics that they’ve just put you through leave you exhausted and emotionally drained, while they are feeling victorious because they’ve just manipulated you out of your right to have a valid argument.
So why should you never argue with a narcissist?
Number 1: An argument is a superb opportunity for them to test their manipulation skills. They don’t care for justice; they just want to win. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong or right. They will lie and run rings around you, jumping from one topic to the next while avoiding the initial issue that was raised. This is to confuse and exhaust you so that by the end, you don’t even remember what the discussion was supposed to be about. But in the process of convincing you that they are not at fault, they actually believe their own lies, thus solidifying their stance.
Number 2: The event will leave you stressed and mentally harassed. This is not good for your mental or general health. The narcissist, on the other hand, is left strengthened, while you are drained. You have just provided them with more narcissistic supply, but you are still left with no sound resolution to your problem. If one cannot have an honest, constructive argument, there is no point in even trying. If you are strong-minded, they will not relent until they’ve broken you. They will keep up the argument until you apologize or break.
The best way to deal with them is to ignore their crap and walk away. You do not need an apology because they won’t give it anyway. You do not want to hear what they think, because they will just try to trap you into one of their mind games. Just state the facts and leave. This will give you the upper hand, as you have not provided them with the opportunity to try and convince you otherwise. They are left to mull over what you have just said.
Never argue with a narcissist. Your time and sanity are too precious to be wasted on them.
