Today, I’m going to be talking about what the basic red flags are to watch out for in order to determine if someone in your life is a narcissist, and who and what to watch out for in the future. This article is only going to give you a really simple, basic formula and information about red flags because, honestly, there are a million red flags to be watching out for, and many times, you can get information overload as far as what to be watching out for, which can be incredibly confusing and frustrating.
So, for this article, I just wanted to simplify all the information and give everyone a very simple basic formula to determine if you are with someone who is a narcissist, as well as who to be cautious of in the future. It’s a formula that everyone can use really without having to learn a bunch of different behavioral patterns and demeanors or terms and definitions. Let’s break this down.
1. Entitlement.
They will behave in an entitled manner, a superior manner. They will exhibit behaviors that they deserve special treatment or care. This may manifest as them believing that the rules do not apply to them—that everyone else has to live by. Whether that’s cutting in line at the grocery store, taking things that don’t belong to them, or maybe treating other people in an ungracious or condescending manner, entitlement can manifest itself in many different ways. I’m sure everybody knows what entitlement means.
2. Lack of empathy.
These people are going to have a noticeable lack of empathy for others or a noticeable inability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They will have difficulty empathizing with others; many times, they will exhibit a lack of compassion for another person who is experiencing hardship. Sometimes, this can be difficult to determine because, again, these people are usually really good actors, and so they can behave as if they are genuinely empathetic people.
You may need to witness a few different situations in order to really determine if they are exhibiting a concerning lack of empathy. However, at some point, you will witness them displaying a significant lack of empathy and compassion for a person or a situation when, clearly, there should be some. So, you need to be watching out for a lack of empathy.
3. Exploitative.
They will exploit others or take advantage of other people or situations. The definition of exploitation is the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work. An example would be the exploitation of migrant workers. It’s further defined as the fact of making use of a situation to gain unfair advantage for oneself.
I want to give you some synonyms for exploitation: taking advantage of, abuse, misuse, ill-treatment, manipulation, cheating, swindling, corruption, maltreatment, fraud, preying on, or my personal favorite, “sucking dry.” Because given the opportunity, trust me when I tell you, they will indeed suck you dry.
So, they won’t have any ethical issues taking advantage of a person or a circumstance. Many times, I refer to these people as con men or con women because, you know, they are so good at this most times. They’ll appear to truly care and be respectable people. However, behind closed doors, they’ll take any opportunity to screw somebody over.
Another issue that you will need to take into consideration is if you’re dealing with an overt narcissist or a covert narcissist. If you’re dealing with a covert narcissist—sometimes also referred to as a shy narcissist—they’re very sneaky. Overt narcissists are kind of out in your face and bold. They exhibit overt behaviors and are, for the most part, fairly easy to identify once you become educated. Covert narcissists are just a different beast, and many times, they come across as timid or shy, incredibly kind, only out for the good of others.
However, if you pay close attention, you will witness the same three E’s from both overt and covert narcissists; they just will be displayed in different manners. So, in closing, you want to remember and memorize the three E’s when judging someone’s character or personality for narcissism: number one, entitlement; number two, lack of empathy; and number three, exploitative.
I would also like to mention how important it is for us to educate our adult children about narcissism. In my opinion—and you’re going to hear me say this a lot—there should be public psychology education starting in high school. Had I—and you know so many others that I know—been educated as young adults, it could have saved us so much trauma during our lives. I think parents have an absolute duty to educate their kids when they are mature enough, but kids need to be educated about cluster B personality disorders because, as most of us know, the damage and destruction they can cause to your life can be devastating.
So please keep this three formula in your mind for yourself, and consider teaching it to anyone else in your life that you love, because knowledge is our only power to combat this.
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