Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship? As much or as little as you might complain about what’s going on, this person is going to defend themselves, deny any emotional abusive tactics or behavior, and can have your head spinning, wondering what is really going on.
These are 10 signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’m going to go through these fairly quickly; we’ve got other articles on emotional abuse, but this is kind of a checklist for you.
All right, 10 signs that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship:
Number 1: Now, I’m going to say this as if you are speaking. “I do not feel safe bringing a concern to him or her.” When I do, I’m met with aggression, retribution, or stonewalling. I don’t feel safe in bringing a concern to this person, whether they’re a woman or a man, a boss, a parent, or whoever. I don’t feel safe in bringing a concern to them.
Number 2: We can never talk about issues without him or her becoming extremely defensive and angry and shutting down. They’re going to flip it back on me. There’s going to be blame shifting, stonewalling, denial, minimization, rationalization, justification, excuse making, playing the victim.
Number 3: My opinions, feelings, and choices are not respected or heard. My opinions, my feelings, my choices are not respected or heard.
Number 4: I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless, and invisible in this relationship. Now, obviously, if you can’t bring a concern to this person, if you can never talk about issues without them being defensive, this all leads up to this question: right? I feel disregarded, then voiceless, unheard, invisible. I don’t really exist in this relationship. Oh, I’m here, all right, for sure I’m here, but I’m not really. I’m not asked about my day and what I really think, and if I dare disagree in any way, shape, or form, ooh, it will not go well.
Number 5: This person becomes enraged if I question or contradict anything that they say or do. They become enraged—like, oh my goodness, they’re so thin-skinned. If I don’t totally say, “Okay, okay, love it, love it, love it,” if I disagree with them, if I challenge them in any way, they are so thin-skinned; they become enraged. These are all overlapping questions, right?
Number 6: They know and care very little about my likes and dislikes, my values, my hopes, and my desires. They care very little about those things. On the opposite side of the coin, the people who really value us care about those things; they care about our cares, they care about our likes, our dislikes, our values, our hopes, and our desires.
Number 7: I feel like I am always walking on eggshells. Nothing I ever do is right; nothing meets with their approval. And, by the way, yes, I feel their disapproval, or I’m always guarding against getting their disapproval. By the way, I hope it’s very clear on all of these issues; it’s patterns that we’re looking for, right? Emotional abuse is a pattern of feeling devalued, having their power and their domination occur again and again and again. It’s pervasive; it’s not a one-off situation.
Number 8: Subsequently, I often feel anxious when I’m around this person because I’m afraid of their disapproval. I’m afraid that they won’t like something I say, do, want, or wish for, so I often feel anxious around them.
Number 9: It’s difficult to put into words what it’s like to be with this person, and therefore, I feel extremely isolated and alone. Very understandable because, again, in many ways, this is not really a relationship. Oh, it’s two people living in the same home, or working together, or doing life together in some regard, but since there isn’t this free exchange of information—a free exchange: I tell you what I think, you tell me what you think, I tell you what I feel, you tell me what you feel, and we share it back and forth—but in this relationship, if there’s a pattern of emotional abuse, you have a difficult time putting into words what it’s like to be with this other person.
And finally, Number 10: Because of all of this, I have chronic stress, I have fatigue, I have insomnia, I have some signs of PTSD, and maybe even complex PTSD.
All right, 10 signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, and these follow patterns, right? They follow patterns. So, in all likelihood, on these 10 signs, if any of them fit your life, then probably all of them fit your life. You’re going to have to look at your life, gain some clarity about what’s really going on, answer these questions honestly, and then that’s going to help you decide what you want to do with your life.
Leave a Comment