Today, I want to speak about the love bombing phase in a narcissist relationship.
During the love bombing phase, they want to learn a lot about you. One of the main reasons is so that they can mimic you. What do I mean? They learn your mannerisms; they learn how you would respond to certain things and phrases that they use, basically so they can say them back to you. This way, you can be like, “Oh wow, we have so much in common,” but actually, they’re just learning how to mimic you, to impress you, and all that is part of the trap to secure your love, just to secure your commitment in the relationship.
The love bombing phase is such an important part of the narcissist’s toolkit. They put a lot of effort, a lot of investment; nothing is too much. They will wine and dine you; they will send you flowers. They are overly romantic; they’ll sweep you off your feet! Literally, they are pros when it comes to the love bombing phase and securing a potential partner’s love.
So, what I’ll be looking at are things that you can look out for during this time. It’s difficult because you’ll be so in love, so charmed by their personality, by their actions. You’ll be thinking, “Wow, I found my soulmate!” They are that convincing, and they can really draw you in. But there are a few things to watch for. If you remain vigilant and open-minded, you will spot these things to know whether you’re dealing with a narcissist.
The things that you go through, comparatively, are similar to any new relationship; it can simply be that someone is lovesick on new love. A lot of the things are similar—when you find new love, especially, you are expected to put your best foot forward. You are expected to try and impress the other person; you are expected to be romantic, to take them out for dinner, send them flowers. All that is part of that courting phase, that initial phase.
So that’s why, when you’re dealing with a narcissist, if you do not understand how they work, you can miss some very crucial points to alert you as to who you’re dealing with.
To know if you’re dealing with a narcissist while you’re in the love-bombing phase of a new relationship that just seems to be going so well—you know! Because at this point, you’re put on a pedestal; your flaws are nothing. They still think you’re perfect, that you’re the one for him or her.
Overly possessive of you.
The first thing is that they can be overly possessive of you. They might do it in a manipulative way. It will seem as if it’s coming from a place of love, a place of concern, probably with regard to you going out with friends or basically when you’re doing things without them. In the love bombing phase of the relationship, they do not like that. They want to do as much as possible with you, as they can, and they are naturally controlling individuals. So if you attempt to continue having a social life without them, they’re not gonna be too happy about that.
They will try to convince you not to go to an event, especially where they’re not invited. So that is something to look out for: the fact that they are possessive, and they will try to control even at the early stage of the relationship, but they will do it as if it’s coming from a place of concern, a place of love, just wanting to be with you every second.
Exaggerations.
Narcissists love to exaggerate. An exaggeration is just a nice word for lying. But if they ever relate a story to friends—especially stories that you are a witness to, so you know the details of that story—listen carefully. They will exaggerate for emphasis, for impact. Remember, when they’re telling a story, they are the center of attention, so they want to make sure that it’s delivered to the best of their ability, whether it’s true or not.
Look out for them changing bits of the story or making things seem grander than they really were, because it’s all for entertainment; it’s all about emphasis. So do not condone it. It is a red flag if they exaggerate in relating back to an event.
Extremism.
Narcissists tend to be extreme; for them, the world is black and white. So in the love bombing phase, use the opportunity to talk about things like finances, children—whether he’ll be okay with you going to work or if he’s the type of person who wants to stay home with the children. Because narcissists love control, as I said, everything is black and white.
If you realize that the responses they give to these questions are extreme, you will be able to tell whether they are being extreme or not. So keep that in mind. The extremism also, which goes with the exaggeration bit, is that they have a flawed perception of reality. If something happens, they seem incapable of recalling it exactly as it happened. Especially if you have any disagreements or you’re going over something that they’ve misinformed you about, you might realize the details change a bit.
You need to be watchful and mindful of it; they will struggle to relay back what happened. It’s just going to flow from them, and you might think, “But I was there! That’s not what happened!” But they will just tell it like it is. Their lies become facts in their heads, and it’ll be difficult for you to convince them that it wasn’t so. Unless you have video evidence or recorded evidence, it’s going to be nearly impossible to convince them otherwise.
So those are the red flags that I think you should look out for if you’re in a relationship, wondering if this person is a narcissist. Remember, they’ll be possessive; they will exaggerate; they tend to be extremists, and just their general perception of reality is flawed. It’s flawed because they have ideals in their minds as to how things should be. So, even if something happens the way they don’t like it, it all gets reshuffled in their minds.
It’s amazing how it works, but these are some red flags that you can look out for. At the time when I got into my narcissistic relationship, I knew nothing about narcissism. I did not know that this existed. I remember telling him, “Your perception is flawed; that’s not what happened.” I remember going through that, but I didn’t know what I was dealing with.
