The law of attraction is alive and well in our lives. You’ve probably seen it at play in your own life here and there. You can get to a point where you’re using it more and more to your advantage.
But when we’re attracting narcissists, something’s wrong, right? So in this article, we’re going to talk about the law of attraction and how it works with attracting unwanted relationships, like those with a narcissistic manipulator or other emotional abuser. I’ve seen a few things in my own life that I want to share with you, and I want to hear your experiences too. So, let’s jump in.
So, the law of attraction is essentially the belief that thoughts become things—what you think becomes your reality or your reality mirrors your thoughts. You can look at it from either perspective, and if you’re paying attention, you probably notice this happening in your life. Like, “Oh, I was just thinking of this thing, and then it happened.” Here and there throughout your life, you’ve probably seen examples of the law of attraction at work in small ways.
But the problem is that it’s at work whether we want it to be or not. So when you’re thinking about things that you don’t want, if you’re putting all your focus on that thing, you are likely going to attract it into your life.
Let’s start from the beginning. Why did you attract that narcissist?
Why did you attract that first narcissist into your life? If it’s a parental relationship or a relationship you had as a child, that’s kind of a different story—you didn’t necessarily attract it. I might get into soul contracts and things like that; I have an article about that if you’re interested. But in this article, we’re focusing more on adult relationships.
As an adult, you are most likely attracting this manipulator into your life because you have lessons to learn—lessons about your own life, about your own limiting beliefs and your own detrimental thought patterns that are holding you back from living a more fulfilled life. When you learn these lessons, you can actually expand your consciousness and get closer to that soul self where we’re meant to be, as you shed layers of your ego. But we have to get there. Unfortunately, for many of us, we have to get there through these painful relationships. We attract that relationship because of the deeper issues that we have.
Suggested Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
So, we attract somebody who is going to show us those issues. I think it’s a little bit deeper than just “thoughts become things.” As you recover, when you finally realize that the honest toxicity was actually abuse, and you start doing the work, there’s another danger.
That danger is in the law of attraction. Let’s say you’ve encountered a narcissist or a borderline personality—somebody who has emotionally abused you. You went through hell in that relationship, and you came out. You did the work; you learned the lessons, you looked within to figure out what needed to change within you, what thought patterns you had, and what issues you weren’t dealing with that you needed to address. You start doing the work, but at the same time, you’re obsessing over narcissism or cluster B personalities. You’re obsessing over what you think this person has that caused them to abuse you, and that can work with the law of attraction to bring it into your life.
It seems terribly unfair, right? Because you’re there; you’re doing the work, but you’re still attracting narcissists into your life. This happened to me, and it was actually kind of a funny thing when you start really paying attention to how the law of attraction works—how things are brought to your attention and how things just seem to be drawn into your life. Sometimes it’s like they appear out of thin air. It’s really interesting, and it’s kind of funny. You start looking at things that you know you attracted, and you can laugh, like, “Well, I know I did that,” even if it’s negative.
Okay, well, I know exactly how that happened. This is one of those cases for me. So, I was in this period where I was obsessing over narcissism—covert narcissism. What is it? What are the signs? How do I avoid attracting more narcissists? It’s just really ironic, right? But I was obsessing over it. I was thinking about the ways that emotional abuse worked in my previous relationship and all the things that happened.
I was really watching all the YouTube videos about it, which are really helpful to a point, but if you take it too far, I believe you may attract a narcissist. That is exactly what happened to me, and it was kind of a funny experience because I was sitting at Starbucks, and I was working on my laptop. Somebody came up and just asked to sit with me, and I quickly saw that boundaries meant nothing to this person. This person showed very clear signs of narcissism. You can’t diagnose somebody within, you know, a 30-minute conversation, but all signs pointed to covert narcissism. Whatever it was, that man did not respect boundaries.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
There was no danger; I can laugh about it because there was no danger in me falling, but I could see the law of attraction at play there. The moral of this story is that it’s okay to learn, and it’s actually really helpful to learn about emotional abuse—what it looks like, what it feels like, what it does to you emotionally, and the common traits of cluster B personalities—so you can get a sense of what you have been dealing with.
But at a certain point, when you start healing, it’s probably time to pull back on that, or you may attract other narcissists because thoughts really can become things, and we don’t want to attract more narcissists into our lives, right?
So, now I want to hear from you. I want to hear about your experiences. Do you think that you have ever attracted a narcissist into your life or another emotional abuser by obsessing over it or by thinking about it? Let me know in the comments, and if you like this sort of thing, don’t forget to share wherever you can.
Read More: 2 Things to Know About Covert Narcissists.
