Today, I want to talk about how the covert narcissist deals with rejection, because there comes a point when we have to realize that a major step in taking our power back is being able to say no to the narcissist.
How The Narcissist Deals With Rejection.
Because when you tell the narcissist no to whatever it is they want, it cuts deep and sometimes creates a narcissistic injury. In an earlier article, I spoke about the narcissist being afraid of rejection, so asking favors is not an easy task for a narcissist. They usually try to butter people up before they finally ask for what they want. They might start being extra nice or attentive to you. Always look out for these signs, because payday is around the corner. The narc does nothing for free, so once they’ve put in the work, they expect that when they ask, you will give.
So even if you genuinely can’t for whatever reason, the narc does not care. You should make a way, so of course they’ll be offended. Depending on who you are, they may show that they are, or they may not. For example, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, turning them down really pisses them off. As far as they are concerned, this is what you signed up for when you entered a relationship with them. You are in it to make their lives easier and better, so whatever they ask of you should be granted.
And of course, it’s one-sided, because if you need them, they can’t. But if they need you, you better make time. They try to make you feel guilty for turning them down or saying no. They might throw a tantrum or give you the silent treatment, but believe me, they will hold it against you.
Quick Story Time.
There was a time when I did everything around the house. Even though both myself and my husband worked, I still did the cooking, the cleaning, the gardening, the DIY—everything. When I had our first child, I realized I can’t do this all anymore. So I decided that I don’t want to iron his shirts anymore, especially considering that he was quite critical of how I ironed them anyway. When I told him this, and I will never forget, he looked at me like I was scum, like, how dare you? He proceeded to give me the silent treatment, but I stuck to my guns. That was, I think, in November of that year.
When Mother’s Day came around the next year, he made no effort to make it special. We went to church, then he expected me to go home and cook as usual—no card, no flowers, no nothing. We ended up arguing about it. We did go out for a meal in the end, but it was so tense and pointless. I guess this was his way of punishing me, but they also love to ruin your special days.
But the moral of the story is: if you tell the narcissist no, they will try to punish you for it. No matter who the narc is—whether it’s your mom, your partner, or someone in your social circle—they are never going to forget how you’ve disappointed them. They are very petty, relentless, and spiteful.
As I said before, depending on who you are, the narcissist will not show their disapproval, but they’ve marked you. They will stay close and patiently wait for an opportunity to take you down or take you out. Narcissists are childish and selfish and should be avoided at all costs. They have no problem coming up with excuses, or better yet, let’s just call them what they are: lies.
They have no problem telling lies as to why they cannot help, especially if there is nothing in it for them. They ain’t doing nothing for nobody, but then they expect others to bend over backwards for them because they are special and important, and of course, what they want matters more.
But the conclusion of the matter is that when you turn a narcissist down or you deny assistance, or you just tell them no, be prepared for a lash back. For the covert narcissist, it will probably be some sort of passive-aggressive attack.
But I think the best way to safeguard yourself is to accept no favors or gifts from a narcissist and give nothing in return. Better yet, distance is key. If you are not close and chummy with them, it is very unlikely that they will ask anything of you. And if you are still married to one, set your boundaries. Do not be a pushover for any narcissist.
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