Today, I want to talk about no contact versus ignoring the narcissist. I was asked this question months ago in the comment section under one of my videos: which one is better, no contact or ignoring? My first response was that either would be perfect, but in hindsight, I think there is a difference in the degree of pain you can inflict on a narcissist depending on the one you choose. Also, it depends on you as an individual and what you can handle.
For everyone, no contact is not possible, especially if you have children with a narcissist, for example, and you have shared custody. It is not possible to go no contact. So for such situations, you will have to set boundaries and ignore them. Conduct any mandatory dealings you have with them professionally and abruptly—no small talk necessary. Anything else they may want to get you involved in or try to get you to respond to can be ignored.
It won’t be long before they get the hint. Narcissists hate to be rejected or denied anything, so they will eventually stop pushing the issue. Of course, they will try to punish you for this or get flying monkeys on your back, but this is where your capacity to truly ignore is tested. You need to keep composure despite any smear campaigns, flying monkeys, etc. It’s just a lot more work, and not everyone is cut out for it. The narcissist’s aim is to see you crumble and fall, so if they have access to you, even though you may be ignoring them, they will keep applying pressure.
It’s important to know who you are and who your true friends and family are at this time because you will need to surround yourself with positive reinforcement. You will also need to continue developing yourself in every way. You will beat the narcissist if you are able to carry on in their presence as if they didn’t exist. It will help them even more. There is a saying that the best revenge is living well, and I agree. But if you want to punish the narcissist or make them miss you, then seeing you living well while at the same time making them feel irrelevant by ignoring them is the ultimate payback.
No contact, on the other hand, greatly limits the degree to which the narcissist can ever meddle or interfere with you again because, apart from blocking them on social media, etc., it sometimes can entail moving jobs, cities, or even countries to get away from the narcissist. This does annoy them greatly because they love to keep tabs on their exes or their targets. It angers them when there is no way for them to make a comeback if needed. They may not know if you are succeeding or not, but they will secretly be hoping that you don’t. They won’t know if you are happy or not, but they will be hoping that you are not, simply because the narcissist does not want you to be happy or fulfilled.
Although it angers them, the fact that you’ve gone no contact also allows them the opportunity to deceive themselves into thinking that you are doing terribly without them. That’s why you’ve run away. They don’t like the thought of anyone getting away, so it makes them feel better to think the worst has become of you. No contact is a clean, sure way to be rid of the narcissist. It does cause initial pain and upset, but they will eventually come to terms with it. Ignoring the narcissist, on the other hand, makes them feel continually irrelevant.
It’s respected, and if you succeed in living well, it will make them miss you and wish that they hadn’t let go of you so easily. Either way, whether you go no contact or you ignore the narcissists, they have lost control over you. So choose one, do it with a smile, and do it well!
Leave a Comment