Lovebombing is a crucial part of the narcissist’s deception game. This is where they build you up and make you feel special and important. They pull the wool over your eyes with their charm, attention, and flattery. In some rare cases, the lovebombing stage is not necessary, as the victim is already so destroyed that the narcissist can get away with jumping straight to the devaluation stage and still get what they want from this individual. But usually, most of their targets need a bit of buttering up in order for the narcissist to get them to lower their defenses and win their trust.
Today, I want to delve into why the lovebombing phase ends and how it could be prolonged.
Where the Pain Starts.
I carried out a survey a few weeks ago to find out how long the lovebombing phase lasted for different individuals. For some people, it lasted weeks; for some, months; and for others, even years. The truth is that in a few instances, the narcissist themselves cannot really control how long the lovebombing phase lasts; it is up to their targets. As much as the narcissist views this phase as temporary and a means to an end, the possibility of keeping this phase going exists and is actually up to you.
Lovebombing is a strategy to secure control, validation, and attachment from you. Once they feel they’ve achieved that, their behavior shifts. So, one of the first reasons lovebombing ends is because the narcissist feels they have secured you. You communicated this when you finally told them how much you love them, need them, or want to spend your life with them. It is communicated when it is clear to the narcissist that you believe everything they say and are quick to agree with them or take their side.
So, basically, what you need to do is the opposite. The more resistant or difficult you are, the longer the lovebombing phase can last. The more reserved you are with your emotions and resources, the harder the narcissist will try to win you over. Because the fact is, you have something that the narcissist wants. This is the only reason why they are lovebombing you. Can relations with you improve their net worth or their networking? Do they think you will look good at their side and improve their prospects? Do they think you will make a good servant to cook, clean, do the laundry, and all that other stuff they don’t want to do? Rest assured, there is something; it is just about figuring out what it is.
But you do not want to fall for the fake love. Because it is when you give in and surrender to their lovebombing attempts that you inadvertently hand control over to the narcissist.
Exhaustion.
Another reason why the lovebombing ends is sheer exhaustion. Narcissists are not naturally genuine, kind, or considerate, so the lovebombing phase can be taxing on them. It is all a performance, and the narcissist will eventually end up breaking character. And this is why there can be this drastic shift overnight, where the narcissist goes from lovebombing you to devaluing you. They can finally relax into their negative disposition. After weeks or months of pretending, they can now be free to express their true self, and this rejuvenates them.
Boredom.
The third reason why the lovebombing phase ends is boredom. Narcissists do get bored easily. They enjoy the highs and excitement of a new love, a new challenge. But when you have become predictable and engrossed in them, they start losing interest. Creating drama is more intriguing to them, so they are likely to start fights, withdraw affection, and pull away altogether. It is their way of keeping the relationship exciting, while at the same time, they go and seek fresh love elsewhere.
Create Dependency.
The fourth reason the lovebombing phase ends is to create dependency. Lovebombing does not just happen at the start of a narcissistic relationship; it is something the narcissist can employ whenever they think it is necessary. This is where the push-pull dynamic comes into play. Whenever the narcissist stops the lovebombing, it creates confusion and longing. You want to get back to that sweet spot, so you will try to appease the narcissist and give them what they want so that the relationship can be good again. Every dose of lovebombing is to make you dependent on them and to keep you hopeful that that old version of them actually exists, that they really do love you when they don’t.
In this article I did quite some time ago about what the narcissist does when you stop caring, I addressed how the narcissist pulls out the lovebombing technique whenever they feel like they are losing you. Because at the end of the day, it is all about regaining control, and if you stop caring, the narcissist is losing control. So, they will try to lovebomb you back into place, and then once they think all is good again, they will switch it up on you because, as I have discussed, it is not natural for them to be loving. It is more natural for them to be hurting you than loving you. They seriously just want you to put up with their hurtful ways.
Conclusion.
These are the main reasons why narcissists end the lovebombing phase: 1. they feel they have secured you or they feel they have gotten what they want from you. Secondly, it is just unsustainable. Third, it can be out of boredom, and fourth, to create dependency. In the mind of the narcissist, lovebombing is a means to an end. They do not know what it is to truly love someone. They do not know what it is to be true to someone. They give a bit to take a lot.
But it does not have to be this way. We have a choice. You can realize their game and either play along to get what you can or walk away. Lovebombing is a very powerful tactic. But if someone is moving too fast, or it all feels too good to be true, it is probably time to step away and reflect with a clear mind so that you do not get trapped in such a relationship.
Okay, that is it for today. Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Many thanks for reading.
