Narcissistic relationships can vary. And today’s article is inclusive of all narcissistic relationships. So, whether it is a narcissistic friend, parent, partner, child, pastor, co-worker, or whatever have you, all narcissists are very much alike. So, if you have gone No Contact or have just been really good at keeping them out of your life by ignoring them or avoiding them, then these warning signs I am going to go through today will let you know if an ex-narcissist is looking to get back into your life.
Because narcissists are not usually willing to discard or leave a source of supply permanently, of course, there may seem to be exceptions to this, especially if the narcissist thinks they have hit the jackpot with the new supply, meaning they found someone who ticks all their boxes. Or they may be reveling in their newfound freedom. Or they may be distracted by their recent success or accomplishments. But all this eventually wanes with time, and in many instances, rekindling an old flame is an opportunity they do not allow to pass them by.
And the fact remains that in many instances, narcissists prefer to keep their options open without the need to sever all ties to someone. So, no matter how they may have treated you or hurt you during the course of the relationship, they still will want you to want them. So, when you decide to go No Contact, regardless of who discarded whom, this is not something that the narcissist wants.
Therefore, attempts will be made to get you to break No Contact, especially when the narcissist is ready to return. So, today I want to look at some of the warning signs that indicate that a narcissist wants to come back into your life. It is important to remember that the narcissist never comes back because they love you, but because of the narcissistic supply you provide and their desire to control you once more. So, it is best to keep that door closed tight and never let them back in.
Espionage.
And one of the first warning signs that a narcissist wants to come back is them responding to your social media posts or checking out your social media profiles. Narcissists will be snooping around to find out where you are romantically, socially, and mentally so that they can decide the best approach. They may use an alias account or their own account to do this, depending on what they think is best.
Anonymous.
They may also use an unknown telephone number to call you or message you. The narcissist loves to play this game of anonymity to catch you off guard or to get you to lower your defenses before they reveal themselves.
Big News.
They can also be direct in their messages if they have something important to tell you that they think will cause you to want to break your silence. It can be to give condolences if you have had a death in the family or to let you know that someone in their life has died. They may act vulnerable and in need of your help or concoct lies surrounding their health to gain your sympathy.
There are different approaches that the narcissist can take, but they are hoping that you take the bait and willingly open up the lines of communication again. Because that is the first step to the narcissist regaining control and being able to manipulate you again. Once you start conversing with a narcissist, everything they do and say will be an attempt to manipulate you and trap you.
Long-winded Messages.
Another warning sign is when they contact you by letter or email with long-winded explanations or excuses as to why the relationship did not work, in a pretense to offer closure. Narcissists are not interested in giving true closure. Their letters or emails might be with the intention to make you feel as if they have moved on and that they are only wanting the best for you, but it is just a trap to get you to reach out to them. They are trying to provoke any kind of reaction from you, whether anger, delight, or surprise; the narcissist just needs something to work with. Any emotional response will let the narcissist know that you are not over them and that there is something there that they can manipulate.
Look Who is Here.
Another warning sign is if the narcissist knows where you are, then you may find that you start seeing them more often in places that you frequent. If you choose to ignore them, they may eventually approach you to break the ice by asking how you are doing, giving you compliments on your appearance, all in a bid to make you lower your defenses and not view them as a threat. But again, remember any emotional response, good or bad, will feed the narcissist’s ego.
So, whether you are surprised to see them, happy to see them, or even angry, the narcissist will be happy with any response. It is best to put an end to their small talk and walk away, making it clear to the narcissist that you have no interest in seeing them or talking to them, and that their presence means nothing to you.
The Side Kicks.
The final warning sign that a narcissist is looking to come back is when they send a flying monkey. That flying monkey may be assigned to get information from you to take back to the narcissist or let you know something about the narcissist that may motivate you to reach out to them. The flying monkey may also try to convince you to put an end to the silence and make contact. But their role and mission are clear, and the best thing you can do is avoid that person. Because any friend of the narcissist should be no friend of yours.
Final Thoughts.
Getting someone to break No Contact is a major accomplishment for the narcissist and a sign that there is still some sort of emotional investment there that they can work with. So, if there is still an emotional investment or you are not yet recovered or strong enough, it is best to not entertain any of their attempts to contact you. Ignore and block any new means of communication that the narcissist has managed to use to reach you.
Also, let those you love and trust know what is going on and that you still have no desire to make contact with this person. They may step in on your behalf to communicate this to the narcissist or just provide you with the emotional support that you need. But it is important to maintain your No Contact; it is important to remain silent and not feed the narcissist. No response is usually the best response when it comes to dealing with narcissists.
